Friday, December 14, 2007

Valley of the Shadow

Recently I walked through what I call the "Valley of the Shadow." It was an extremely painful lonely walk; except for the fact that God allowed one of my long distance forever friends to walk it with me. The neat thing ( maybe I'm actually spiritually growing up - finally!) was that I heard God's voice more. His spirit reminded me of former things learned; and I practiced them more this time. My stomach still hurt, I was still emotional, and I still put up my walls; but there was peace there. I actually had moments when I had complete trust, before I began to be in anguish again. The Holy Spirit reminded me of the scripture " we are not ignorant of his devices" and "our struggle is not against flesh and blood." So even though I was surprised by the instrument with which it came; spiritual logic was able to reign over the emotional. I had been reading a book that discussed fasting. On one intense day of decision I fasted ( I used the special k protein water powder dilluted - i don't think that's cheating. smile.) my brain and heart was so clear and focused. I was amazed! I need to practice this discipline more. I was also reminded that God had allowed this to pass through His hands first. He was not surprised like I was and He would use it to for our good. Again there were moments I trusted Him fully inspite of the pain. I searched scriptures more intensely looking for what forgiveness means. " I forgive" is simple to say, but what does it look like? I think we confuse it with saying that what someone did was ok. Forgiveness never oks what is done; but it frees us to say I forgive - I leave it in God's hands, and it won't control who I am or think I am. My sweet friend cried with me; but she continually challenged me to respond rightly. She refused to let me build a wall. Am I there yet? No - but God gives grace and I am trying. The cool thing was that the other day I found this verse; Psalm 63:7 "Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings." I had been viewing the shadow as negative. Could it have been the whole time God had meant it as positive, and a state of protection? I'm still meditating on that truth. Good conversations came out of this with our girls and my parents. We were reminded that "truth does set you free." We recieved an outburst of encouragement from several of Kelly's minister friends as well. There were some others who were touched in a way that they might not have been. I received an international phonecall that reminded me of the Father's love and the persistance of a forever friend who had phone issues still reminded me I was loved even though she had no clue of the shadow I walked through. God had them call at the right time. For a brief time I was that child who had composed herself in her father's arms with complete trust and waited. Oh to live like that all the time. Are you walking through a shadow? Look again and see if it belongs to our Father?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Short clips of the Musical

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Our Music Minister

I was reminded today of how blessed we are to have the leadership of our music minister. He directed the children's musical this past week and will direct the adults' musical this week. He is a very talented and yet humble man. He has been great with the girls. He has also patiently encouraged me in using my gifts as well. He doesn't give up and criticize. He gently leads and does an amazing job. We are blessed!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Mystery of the Manger

Our girls had the awesome opportunity to be part of the kid's musical at church. Sh had one of the lead roles. She was the music director of the choir. The pastor's daughter was Jane Blonde, a reporter, for the newspaper. K and Sp had 2 solos each and some lines. Lots of people came it to watch. We so appreciate their support.

Friends From Former Church

At the widows banquet we were able to see from friends from our old church. We had a great time! Of course, we always want a picture with the GODPARENTS!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Deacon/Widow Banquet

We had a sweet time at the Deacon/Widow Banquet tonight at our church. It was fun because the quartet from our last church came to sing. We were so glad to see them. They did a fabulous job and enjoyed seeing our girls. The food was awesome.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Family Fun Night

We had a great time at a restaurant in a nearby town. We have a 4th daughter adopted into our family this past year. She is a precious girl and an awesome friend of K's; and she loves her younger sisters too. We had a ton of food. Don't you love the chicken giggles Sp ate.

Do you recognize the Referee?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


K wrote this for school, and brought it home for me to read. It was really neat to hear her perspective, and the way she remembers things. Some things are different like the tumor was the size of 2 softballs, the doctor only told me something was wrong; K was told at the metroplex hospital they transferred us to. etc.

Children's lives are supposed to be exciting from learning new things, exploring new worlds in books, and meeting new friends. Well, my life was changed forever when I was four years old.
I was on my bed, and it was weird because I hadn't eaten all day. I really wasn't hungry at all. The next thing I knew I tried to move my arms and legs. They wouldn't move. I tried a hundred times to get it right. I was getting frustrated, my head was going to blow. My mom figured out the same thing. She was panicking. My mom grabbed me and ran as fast as she could to the car and took me to the hospital.
My mom took me to the emergency room. She was so scared. She started biting her nails. After a few blood tests the doctor told my mom that I had cancer. It was called a grandulosa cell tumor. The tumor was wrapping around my ovary and fallopian tube. It was as big as a baseball. If they didn't get it out soon I could die.
Later, the nuse came in. She told me to drink this awful medicine. I drank it all down. My stomach churned and wanted to throw up. After, a minute or so I fell asleep and was taken into surgery.
The very next day when I woke up I was in a different room. I looked at myself and realized I had needles all over me. the nurse was going to put the chemo in me. My dad was shaking, he didn't want to hold me down, but he did anyway. I was kicking and screaming. It was a nightmare. The nurse finally put the chemo in me. I felt as light as a feather.
A couple of months later I was ok to leave the hospital. When I was on the chemo my hair fell out, but when I was off the chemo my hair started to come back. People would tell my parents that I was a cute boy; but I wasn't.
In conclusion, it taught me that God saved my life for a purpose. He could of let me die, but he didn't. I was a kid that could do anything. I wasn't just ordinary. I was a SURVIVOR!

I wanted to share this since we are only a couple of days away from the celebration of 14 years of life; 10 as a survivor! We are so blessed!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Fun Pics

1) Our friends bday celebration.
2)The girls doing a song from their musical in church today.
3)The tour of homes in our town
4)Thanksgiving food
5)My sister
6)K buttering his favorite Mrs. Baird's rolls!
7)Sh shooting a free throw
8)Sweet moment with Grandpa. ( all 3 dogs got to come for Thanksgiving!)
9)Waiting for permission to enter the kitchen. Honey isn't as obedient. Rules don't apply to her!

Cool House

This house had you tune to a radio station that played Christmas music. The lights went with the music. We loved it.

Santa Baby

WE loved this outfit. She didn't; especially when the hat fell over her eyes!